Above: Udo Kier as Count Dracula in Blood for Dracula
Now, I know what you are thinking--"Kate, you can't save Count Dracula! He's the villain." Au contraire, internet--in Paul Morrissey's 1974 Blood for Dracula, he's done in by a thuggish, raping Communist. As the new Indiana Jones picture has taught us, Commies are the new Nazis, and Nazis are the ultimate screen villains. Simple cinema mathematics, yes?
The Dracula of BfD is absolutely swoon-worthy--a perfect example of the Three F's:
- Foreign
- Frail-boned
- Fabulous
There would be four Fs, but "Effete"only sounds like it starts with an F. [And there is still only one T in "writing," in spite of what these people think]
Nobody's perfect, and his inability to stomach sub-par, non-"wirgin" blood just puts him nearer to my black little heart. We're kindred souls, really, with our Special Needs--I break out into hives at the very thought of wearing drugstore perfume, for example. While some have said that the Count was too feeble and diminished to live, I prefer to think that he was just overly discriminating, a true perfectionist in an imperfect world. I have OCD--I can relate to this.
We could trade makeup tips and go shopping for outrageous outfits together (I need to know where the hair-trimmed coat can be purchased--NEED TO KNOW). My professional background as a corporate admin would make me a really outstanding Renfield-analog, and I'd be worlds more effective at protecting Dracula from his eventual dismemberment and staking than the eldest daughter in the film.
Poor Dracula--he was simply too fabulous for our world. He could even make rolling around in a wheelchair look chic.
6 comments:
I've long held the belief that Blood for Dracula is the A Rebours of the horror film world.
Brilliant post, Kate! I agree. You could show the Count how to survive in Jersey City.
And (as, for once, I have actually read a book that Jack is referring to) I agree about "A Rebours." Dracula is always the most delicate and high-maintenance of monsters, but especially in this movie. One cannot help empathizing.
p8
So you guys both think the Dracula plan is a totally sound one, right? I'm glad somebody's got my back. As for the Count in JC--I could certainly show him where to shop and get champagne cocktails. If he could drink champagne cocktails. I mean, we know he never drinks... wine.
I love the idea of you being Dracula's exec admin. It is a story that should, nay, must be told.
That's so cool. I've always been a fan of Dracula anyway. I usually pulled for him in the films. Sometimes I've done that for other "villains." Especially if the other characters in the movie get on my nerves. I'm always thrilled to see them die gruesome deaths. I've always found Dracula to be so awesome. He's this stylish, intelligent, exotic, and aristocratic gentleman. I would love to be his human assistant. I would be much better for him than some of the others could have had. I really adored Udo as Dracula. That is such a really cool film.
JoanArkham--nothing that Dracula would request of me could be any more ridiculous than things I've already been asked to do in my professional life. "Wirgins? Nooooo sweat, boss--you got it."
Rogue Spy--I hear you. I just don't get tired of Dracula stories, no matter how many of them I'm exposed to!
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