Darling readers, your Tenebrous Hostess is not immune to gimmick--far from it, in fact. I will not apologize for the fact that I believe that the goofy magic of 3D improves even the lamest of films, at least for a few minutes. Just imagine it--through some chance of gruesome fate and a poor choice in spouse, you're sitting for three hours watching "Sex in the City" and--WHAM--Sarah Jessica Parker's freakishly-porportioned chin is COMING RIGHT AT YOU! Perhaps I'm stretching credibility here, and I'm certainly getting way off topic when what I'm actually trying to say is:
I totally dug "My Bloody Valentine 3D"--way more than is in any way ladylike or even probably justified.
Now is the part where I disclaimer this by saying 1) I have never seen the original film so I had no horse in this particular remake race and 2) I'm not a big fan of 80s slasher films in general.* So caveat lector, m'kay?
While I'm sure that 90 minutes of squicky 3D pickaxe effects would've held my interest well enough, there was a lot more than moist bodily trauma to be enjoyed in this movie. Due to some better-than-expected acting, I actually found myself caring about what was going to happen to the characters trapped in the fading mining town of Harmony, and while there's plenty of predictable plot developments, I found them to be in line with genre-movie tropes. If I wanted something fresh and thought-provoking, I wouldn't be watching a stalk-and-slash in the first place, non?
Because I am a teenage boy at heart, I must confess that I was delighted to see 3D simulated sex and full frontal nudity included. Hooray for including graphic violence and pubic hair in the same film--I salute this directorial choice! And what graphic violence it was--this didn't pull any punches. It was love from the first prosthetic pickaxe point protrusion. I went in expecting gross, and this movie gave it to me. With boobs, too. It might not be love, but it felt like it for ninety minutes (surely we've all been there).
As to how this movie might fare without its 3D effects intact, I'd wager "fairly well." The timing of the grisliness seemed to be pretty well-handled and the pace of the movie bops along pleasantly (I didn't yawn too much during expositional sequences), leading up to what I found to be a satisfying conclusion.
Check your analytical brain at the door, pop on your novelty glasses (FYI--they do fit over standard eyeglasses, though with a somewhat hilarious effect to those sitting around you), and go see "My Bloody Valentine 3D." And if you're really lucky, you'll get to sit in a sold-out theatre full of folks half your age yelling "SHOOT HIM" and "TURN AROUND STUPID" just like I did (honestly--that brought a gleeful tear to this geek's eye).
*No, seriously--I'm the oldest in my entire family, and as a result of this and my being--y'know--a GIRL, I was kept gently sheltered from R-rated horror films until a not-so-tender age. So there was no "Jason jumping out of the lake" trauma or nightmares about Freddy Kreuger for this personage. I missed that golden window of nostalgia, I'm afraid!
20 comments:
I did see the original, but I have really psyched to see this one. Thanks for posting such a good review of it. You've got me excited to definitely see it.
You had me at pubic hair.
I'm a die-hard fan of the original (the most underrated slasher of the cycle, imo), so I was a little ambivalent about this remake. But I saw the 3D version last weekend, and it was a blast. They do focus on EXTREME CLOSEUPS OF CHAINLINK FENCES a lot to demonstrate the depth of field, and occasionally I found myself distracted by the pretty backgrounds and not paying attention to the foreground action--but those are minor complaints when you weigh them against the chance to stare down the long end of a rifle held on you by an elderly and extremely pissed off Tom Atkins. ;)
I do wish they had spend a little more time *in* the mine in this one, and the lack of the Valentine Dance folklore in this one hurts it imo--but taken for what it is, MBV 3D really delivers a good time. Glad you liked it too, Empress!
I saw the film last weekend and loved it, as well. Of course, Jensen Ackles extreme handsomeness didn't hurt. Btw, I hate slasher films, so I had to view much of it w/my eyes closed, but I thought it was smarter in terms of character development and acting than most slashers tend to be.
I saw the original in the theater back in 81, and loved it despite the lack of gore (due to the MPAA). I was naturally trepdatious about the remake, but like everyone else, I had a great time. Excellent how they changed up the reveal of the killer. The best was having Tom Atkins' lower jaw come flying in my face!
The restored original is finally coming out with 9 of the excised minutes returned. Can't wait!
I must say I cringe at slasher/gore, but the 3D sucked me into seeing it. I consider it the best use of 3D in a horror film, mainly because of how gore was accentuated by its use. I'm pissed the little woman got it, though. Can't wait to see more 3D usage in more horror films across the board. Imagine vampires flying or a Snakes on the Plane coming at you in 3D!
Keith, I hope you enjoy the film! It's the most fun I've had watching a movie in the theatres in quite some time.
That's what they ALL say, Igloo Keeper.
Vicar, the participation of Tom Atkins filled me to the brim with glee. It was more gravy on an already gravyful production!
Cobwellac, I am *so* agreeing with you on the beautifulness of Jensen Ackles. I found myself uncharacteristically taken with him, too!
Phil, that flying jaw-chunk was totally cheer-worthy. A great moment in 3D history for sure.
ILoz, I was hoping for more of the little person hotel owner as well! I know Selene Luna from her comedy and burlesque work, and she has an *awesome* screen presence. I'd love to see her get more film work (hinthint casting directors). I am RIGHT with you in your eagerness for more 3D in horror flicks--I can SO see what you're talking about, sir!
Plus, it had Tom Atkins! When I found out Tom Atkins was in it, it went from "only if the alternative is yardwork" to "matinee." And he gets an awesome death scene. He's turned into a lovely old man.
And kudos to Betsy Rue who gets a LOT more than just a quick nude scene. I mean, she's nekkid for a good five straight minutes of film. Bravo.
omg coincidence, i randomly mentioned this during my lecture on the early renaissance in italy this morning. ha!
Okay, I'm FINALLY sold--I will check this out now. THAT is how much I trust your opinion--I will go spend money on a damn ticket--and I'm a cheap bastard too, so that is saying a lot!
Doc M--I completely agree with you. I know *I*, for one, would not be brave enough to do a five-minute stark-nekkidity scene including grinding, knowing that it was going to be broadcast in *3D*. Now THAT, my dear, is a courageous acting choice!
Theodora--I wanna be in YOUR class :)
Rev, I'm honored that my opinion is the tipping point! Have fun at the movies :D
I saw this last weekend and loved it too. Plus I adore the original so it's a plus when the remake is actually at least as entertaining as the original.
The only thing that would have made it better for me is if they had bothered to design the 3D glasses more personal to the film itself, (for keepsake purposes) with the movie title printed somewhere on there, or little bloody hearts or heart shaped lenses or something. Instead we get flat black coke bottle dork shades. I had to sit there looking like Elvis Costello for an hour and half while my friend Eric looked like George Romero.
Sadly 3d makes me nauseous. Also IMAX and sitting too close to the screen.
I am a delicate flower.
Karswell, I hear you on the stylin' of those 3D glasses! They're the same ones we got when we went to see "Nightmare Before Christmas" in its 3D re-release. I'll be honest, though--as an already-four-eyed geek, I was just relieved the darn things fit on over my "I Need These To See In Regular-D" glasses :)
Oh no Joan! You are robbed of one of life's nerdiest pleasures. That stinks. I guess you'll just have to go out and pickaxe some poor unfortunate soul in the head in order to get the same effect.
Compared to modern day slashers, I'd say this is about as good as the original was to early 80's slashers.
I am SOLD. I wanted to see this anyway but y'know, I live in a town of hipsters who would go see this for the "irony" factor rather than the "really good fun" factor. We've discussed this before, you know whereof I speak.
I'm still going to, like, a Monday matinee so as to avoid the crowds. Even in 3D I am a misanthropic solitary movie-watcher.
I did not actually enjoy this, but I'm glad you did.
Truth be told, I did not get to immerse myself in the 3D-ness of boobs and pubic hair, so I couldn't get the FULL experience.
Well, I'm with you fellas. A pervy, gratuitous fun time all around, though I didn't care for the ending. Watch the original for a better coda, especially in its uncut form.
Pinky, I'm with you on your assessment! "Pretty much as good as the 80s stuff" were the words out of my movie-going companion's mouth.
Costuminatrix, you will definitely dig this, even if it's not much on the Fabulous Fashion front. Although the gasmask has a certain fetish appeal. For some people. I assume... I'm just relieved this was so much better than "Repo"--I was nearing "3 strikes and you're banned from movie-picking" territory with Baron XIII!
Ryne, I just read your review--I'd be hella-miffed about the lack of 3D-dom right out of the gate! Sorry your experience was less than sunny. Maybe you should do what I do and sneak in some rum to add to your Diet Coke last time? That helps a lot of stuff go down smoother (and might make someone cry at the end of "300"--allegedly).
Headless, I am SO eager to check out the unedited original! I hear great things about it from many of the folks whose opinions I appreciate, yours included. I think it's actually a magical one-two-three of awesome endorsements, between you, the Vicar and the Kindertrauma gents.
I thought it was pretty good. I was mainly interested in what 3d 2009 looked like and it was pretty good also. It was cool to see Kevin Tighe on the big screen with a job. I never thought it was awesome, it just didn't have an edge to it. Maybe it needed some sleaze, it felt fairly safe despite the nudity and gore. I would think it might seem more average at home. I kept hoping somebody would go in the mine and say "Holy Shit! This place smells like dead boogens." After that I kept thinking that surely somebody's working on a Boogens remake,maybe C.H.U.D. vs Boogens. Oh,I though the kid from SUPERNATURAL was good.
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