Buying movies in bulk is fraught with peril. While there is a reassuring regularity in taking the thirty-first roll of Charmin out of the fifty-pack purchased at Costco, knowing that it will likely resemble roll seven as much as roll forty-eight, there are no such guarantees when dealing with public-domain box sets of films like Mill Creek's "Chilling Classics 50 Movie Pack." To continue the analogy, some rolls might be plush and bountiful ("Lady Frankenstein"), others might be several sheets short and abrasive to one's sensitive parts (anything directed by Bill Rebane).Then again, trash-cinema pleasure is in the eye of the beholder, so it's only fair for me to point out that my opinion isn't the end-all and be-all. Other bloggers before me have taken the time to craft proper reviews of these movies, so in the interests of saving you the thirteen-and-a-half hours of your life that you will never get back in watching these particular crummy movies, I'm linking you over to some other folks' reviews to give you a better idea of what's in store.
"Funeral Home" - Like "Psycho," if the infamous shower scene was replaced by Mittens The Cat, who bears a striking resemblance to the mystery and wonder that is Spaghetti Cat. Because I am all about respecting differences of opinion, Cinema de Merde d
"The House of the Dead" - I should never watch anthology films. I never like them, although they
frequently serve as good counterpoints to identify exactly what is good about episodes of the "Twilight Zone." Although I don't remember the "Twilight Zone" episode about the businessman who gets trapped in an abandoned store and turned into a hobo as a result of being force-fed bottles of Ripple. So--points for originality there. And... why was the original title "
Alien Zone?" That's just lying. Although, this guy likes it, so--diff'rent strokes, right?
"The Cold" - I knew I was in trouble from the credits sequence superimposed over Super-8 footage of board games. So stupid it might have been art, although the Russian Roulette sequence was not-uneffective. This is why I must take a moment to shake my fist at director Bill Rebane for tossing me enough nuggets of weird to watch this damned thing through to the end. Bleeding Skull's review of this film captures a lot of my feelings on it--except much, much nicer.
"The Demons of Ludlow" - After my experience with "The Cold," WHY DID I WATCH ANOTHER BILL REBANE MOVIE? Oh wait, I know why--it was blurbed as being about a warlock-possessed piano. I'm not going to tell you it has dummy-decapitation in it, which is awesome, because you have better uses for your ninety-ish minutes. Oh damn--I just told you about the dummy-decapitation. Sorry! If you are craving more info, head over to the Horror Movie a Day review. I couldn't find a favorable view on this one--consider THAT your warning (it's a BIG internet, people).
"Murder Mansion" - Most boring lesbian vampire movie *ever.* My time is limited--deliver me boobs and blood or FAIL. I know this was an edited print, but I can't imagine that *extending* its screen time would've benefitted this old-dark-house cocktease of a film. Hysteria Lives disagrees with me, giving this 3 out of 5 stars.
"Oasis of the Zombies" - CONFESSION: I sort of suck, because this one amused me. I liked the performance of the skull-head-on-a-stick as well as the inexplicably existentialist ending. Bonus points for some of the goofiest day-for-night shooting in history. Now, riddle me this--why hasn't anyone made an AWESOME Nazi zombie movie yet? I want this to happen more than I have wanted anything yet today. Something Awful wants their time back from this one, as well as the opportunity to inflict grievous bodily harm on director Jess Franco.
"Cathy's Curse" - I'm sorry--what? I was napping. Must've been something that was on teevee... Horror Movie A Day stayed awake and is much, much nicer than I am (again).
"The Devil Times Five" - Starring Leif Garret and an absurd retard-seduction scene. I wanted this talky, static flick to be an amazing artifact of trash cinema but alas, 'twasn't. Mad Mad Mad Mad Movies finds plenty to delight in here, though (and they're still way, WAY nicer than I am).
"Haunts" - Best combination of goat-milking and love scene footage I've seen yet. Bonus points for the drunk performance by the actor portraying the drunk sheriff. No bonus points for a twist ending I saw coming from a mile away. Doomed Moviethon has a more favorable view of this film.
19 comments:
Oh wow, I actually OWN "Oasis Of The Zombies." The only thing I remember about it is that it features a screaming girl in a bikini who....should not really be wearing a bikini. Ever. I think I turned it off after that.
Oh Empress, you hurt me in my soul place! :)
I understand the hate on Rebane--though I admit to kind of admiring his Ed Wood-ish, "I'm living the dream DESPITE my lack of talent!" vibe, and as you say, he does throw you enough little weird touches to make at least a small percentage of the flicks interesting, which can be either maddening or endearing, depending upon your blood alcohol level.
I watched *all* of the 50 Chilling Classics, and found plenty to jeer as well as cheer, but I admit I counted "Haunts" as one of the more interesting unknown-to-me finds--anyone interested can check out my review here, though I don't expect anyone will take my word over the Empress'! ;)
But "Devil Times Five"? SRSLY? Come on now--I can't be reading you right. That movie had me grinning broadly from start to finish--the wonderful bathtub death scene was just icing. I can only assume it's your opposite-of-Coffin-Joe natural dislike for any person under the age of 20 that made this one fail to click for you. The only explanation that makes sense. ;)
Keep going, trash movie warrior! There's gold in them thar movie packs, even if it's sometimes hard to find! ;)
Costuminatrix--I have two copies of "Oasis" that came in two different box sets. Yikes! And you're forgetting the moustache on the girl at the beginning. Double-yikes...
Vicar, you've got WAY more of an appetite for this particular brand of low-budget stuff than I do. I'll go ahead and blame my ADHD sensibilities for dismissing a lot of movies. I have a notoriously low tolerance for padding and bad pacing, and I just can't help but feel that a lot of horror movies suffer from these faults. Horror is almost as tough to execute well as comedy, for much the same reason--it's all about the timing. I mean--hell--if "Demons of Ludlow" was a screen-saver consisting ONLY of a couple of ridiculous death scenes, it'd be great!
Kate, I call your attention to NAKED MASSACRE on this particular box set. How can you go wrong with a Vietnam vet going on a Richard Speck style rampage in Northern Ireland amid the Troubles? This film explores all the possibilities. Chilling Classics also boasts an indisputable classic in HORROR EXPRESS and the singular sight of Neil "Commissioner Gordon" Hamilton as a voodoo-working sorceror in THE DEVIL'S HAND, but both of these can be found in better shape elsewhere. I urge you to endeavor to persevere in your box-set explorations.
I steer clear of these movie packs released by Mill Creek and Brentwood as well for the exact reason you and others have stated regarding their contents.
Not to get off topic here but I really liked the Shriek Show box sets by Media Blasters. Usually, they each contained 3 to 4 flicks pertaining to whatever the title of the box set was as per the subject matter of the flicks.
MESSIAH OF EVIL is a very good flick that's on that 50 pack. Nice composition and art design for a low budget flick.
Samuel, I saw "Horror Express" as a kid on network teevee and agree that it's marvy. How can you go wrong with a movie that combines a demon-yeti with a Rasputin-esque mad monk and stars Cushing and Lee? That's a recipe for pure movie awesomeness right there! "Naked Massacre" sounds wild even from the blurb--sounds sadico-politico-tastic; I just have to wait till I am in any sort of shape to absorb all of its potential weirdness (damn day job, sucking up all my brain resources).
Metalhead, those Shriek Show boxes are FAB. The Post-Apocalyptic one is my fave, and I've got several others (the Eurotrash, SS Hell Pack, and Jungle Girls ones spring to mind). DEFINITELY a good deal (esp. since MB sells 'em for twenty bucks at cons--can't go wrong there). I'm having good luck with the BCI "Drive-In Classics" sets--those tend to be pretty decent-quality prints as well.
Bwana, I agree that "Messiah of Evil" is superb. THERE is a movie that warrants a cleaned-up solo release! I also dig "Bad Taste," "Horrors of Spider Island," and "A Bucket of Blood." There's certainly enough on there to justify the purchase price but--ye gods--some of these are astonishing stinkers!
-METALHEAD- There are certainly stinkers by any stretch, but at 40 cents each, if you happen upon 4 or 5 gems in the set, you're coming out ahead! MESSIAH OF EVIL was already mentioned, as was LADY FRANKENSTEIN (both GOLD...and both reviewed at my place ;) ), as well as BELL FROM HELL, SILENT NIGHT BLOODY NIGHT, THE DEMON, and the wild and wooly MEMORIAL VALLEY MASSACRE, all on the Chilling Classics set. I'd urge you to rethink your reticence--but then I'm easy to please, apparently. ;)
Comment verification: "monsulti" n, plural, fr. Italian: expert consultants on the joys of bad monster movies. :)
I will have to agree w/the Vicar on a couple of points--Mill Creek box sets are awesome (even if over half of the 50 movies suck, you're still getting your money's worth)and Devil Times Five is an awesomely bad flick. Maybe I'm loyal to it because I saw it as a kid first. Also I'm backing Samuel on Naked Massacre--you should definitely check it out. It's possibly my favorite movie on the that box set along w/Messiah of Evil.
No awesome nazi zombies? Am I the only person who loves Shock Waves?
Vicar, your extraordinary tolerance for garbage is part of your charm. I like to think of you as a Crap Advocate, always cheering for the underdog!
Rev. Fred, I'll definitely go ahead and cue up "Naked Massacre" sooner rather than later! Should be interesting for its anthropological value alone :) As to "Shock Waves"--I need to revisit this. I saw it over a decade ago, but I've had a LOT of movie mileage between now and then that certainly has changed my views on a lot of titles. I'm hopeful that "Dead Snow" will deliver the goods, and I oughta revisit the other Nazi zombie flicks before I get a chance to see that one!
Devil times 5 and Cathy's Curse are the perfect double feature! Sure, both movies are insanity inflicters but you really must watch them several thousand times to get the ultimate effect! -Unk
Kate, I have the following Shriek Show box sets: "British Horror", (4 Pete Walker flicks) "Demons", "EuroTrash", "SS Hellpack" "Wicked Women" and "Zombie 2". I had a few more as well but I tossed the packages and just kept the movies(lousy mistake on my part)then I decided to keep the packaging intact. I bought most of these at Best Buy for around $15 each until the Shriek Show label went under. :(
Also, I agree with your opinion about the BCI "Drive In Classics" as well.
Vicar, Maybe I will reconsider then. If there are a few "gems" to be found in those sets, then it would be worth it.
This post was so rockin! I'm still not sure if I'll ever finish watching DEVIL TIMES FIVE though. Much as I loved that catfight. You're a champ, kid, for taking so many shots for the team. Watch more old stuff, have you seen Supernatural (1933) or The Story of Temple Drake?
Unk, the scripts for both those flicks were--admittedly--infused with some pretty incredible dialogue! I think I might actually have reached maximum insanity infliction saturation--that's gotta be my problem ;)
Thank you kindly, Erich! I'll confess that my old-stuff-watching has been limited lately, though "She" certainly whetted my appetite. I'll need to look into your recommendations!
Messiah of Evil... THERE is a movie that warrants a cleaned-up solo release!
One is coming, in widescreen, too!
Outpost is a more than decent nazi-zombie movie. And it was filmed in Scotland, about 10 miles where I'm from (before I became The Igloo Keeper, natch).
I almost made it through Monster-a-go-go once, but I was 7 at the time. Other than that, I pride myself on never having watched a Bill Rebane monstrosity from start to finish. He's like Ed Wood but without the transvesitism, fetishism, humor and other redeeming features.
And Arbogast makes my day YET AGAIN! This is great news indeed.
Igloo Keeper, I'll try to track down a copy of "Outpost"--that is a new-to-me title. Thanks for the rec!
Fred:
>>He's like Ed Wood but without the transvesitism, fetishism, humor and other redeeming features
YES. THIS. *applause*
I own this 50-pack as well, and I'm happy to see others pointing out gems in the set that I might have overlooked.
One movie in this set that I would love to see in an even better print -- not a flawless movie but creepy and moody enough to give me tingles -- is SILENT NIGHT, BLOODY NIGHT starring Mary Woronov and directed by her recently ex-husband Theodore Gershuny.
And of course, I must point out -- DEEP RED. I've heard that the editing done to turn PROFONDO ROSSO into DEEP RED was pretty bad, but the results still kick an impressive amount of ass.
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