You know what's the worst part of working in marketing (I know, I know--the Tenebrous Bills need to get paid somehow, folks)? One can never see advertisements and not analyze their awfulness, and if one has a particularly snarky bent of mind (guilty!), one's life in contemporary America becomes a whirlpool of spleen that spins and inextricably tangles the horribleness of the advertisers with the stupidry of the General Public. I'm more concerned with the 66/100th of Ivory Soap that isn't "pure" than with their insipid former tagline. It concerns me deeply that people are making haircare purchases based on the SCIENCE depicted in their advertisements. Show a motherfucker wearing goggles and a serious expression pouring junk from a beaker onto pretty much anything, and the General Public is enslaved by the specter of TROO FAKTS.
Before I get all "Our Advertising, Ourselves" up in here, let's discuss the horrors of advertising in vintage men's magazines, shall well?
If you're having BILL TROUBLES (for being a fool and PAYING for an Electro Pocket Pussy instead of ordering one of the free love dolls advertised elsewhere), perhaps chemical TATTOO REMOVAL would offer a path to financial solvency. Barring that, the flesh solvency will certainly follow. Because--dude, that sounds like the worst idea EVER.
Once you've achieved wealth as a result of your new job, why not treat yourself to a 10 karat gold symbol of your newfound fortune? While I *do* think the RED BARON ring is pretty fucking boss, I think STAR WARRIOR or DIAMOND ZODIAC probably makes the statement you're looking to convey.
If all else fails, there's always witchcraft. Who wouldn't listen to Gavin Frost, BSc, PhD, DD, Archbishop of the Church of Wicca from New Bern, North Carolina with its headquarters in Salem, Missouri (yer doin it rong)? Look at his photo--he's totally rocking the 1970s Satanist thang, with his pointy beard, heavy gold chain and black turtleneck. That's a look that says "trust me baby, I was in 'All the Colors of the Dark.'" If that's not enough, just read the testimonials--ANDY DISSOLVES A GALLSTONE using nothing but the tremendous power of witchcraft! Dissolution of accreted bile aside, this pamphlet promises to teach you how to MAKE TIME RUN FORWARD AND BACKWARD. I'm pretty sure that could be successfully employed against those dopes who invested their cash in a boring old drafting career from a few ads earlier.