Cupcakes, lieblings, muffins, loves-of-my-life--let's have a tete-a-tete, shall we? I was thinking about the remake/reboot phenomenon, inspired by news that "Suspiria" is next on the chopping block ([snark]apparently the original was directed by Some Dude named Dario Argento--perhaps you might've seen it? [end snark]). You might think I was ghastly in my rage, like some sort of avenging goddess of gore... but you'd be wrong.
Frankly, assorted internet Scarletts, I don't give a damn.
I was a little surprised not to feel the hideous taste of bile rising in my throat at the announcement, so I had to give it a little thought. Friends--I think I have this remake/reboot thing all figured out: it's guerilla marketing at its purest, and I'll outline how it works:
- Scour messageboards and identify a Beloved Genre Property (BGP)
- Snag rights to BGP
- Attach Controversial Director (CD) to BGP (extra points if CD has some sort of music video link)
- Issue press release announcing that CD is going to be involved in "an ambitious reimagining" of BGP (extra points if you include a quote from CD on how he will "completely blow people's minds" with how incredibly, awesomely different his film will be from the original)
- Set stopwatch for thirty-seven seconds after the press release crosses the wire (SCIENCE has proven that this is the amount of time it will take for the first Outraged Tweet [OT] to appear)
- Sit back and allow horror bloggers to flood the intertubes with OTs and profanity-laden blog posts about the sacrilegious nature of the BGP remake
- Enjoy free marketing campaign; acquire salary increase
- A year later and one month prior to the scheduled release of BGP remake, issue "exclusive" clips to three or four horror news sites simultaneously, inspiring further outrage and ensuing free marketing
All this has nothing to do with the potential quality of the BGP remake--hell, a lot of the time remakes seem to just take key elements of their source material and go in whatever direction they want to go in. "Dawn of the Dead" was "a movie about zombies," and I suspect "Suspiria" is going to be "a movie about witches"*
THIS particular fangirl is going to snark only as appropriate and stop fanning the flames of the remake/reboot phenomenon. The part of it that twists my panties is the cynicism of it all--instead of saying "CD is going to make a movie about zombies/witches/serial killers," producers realize that by harnessing the OUTRAGE of horror bloggers, asses will be in seats just by getting people to *recognize* their film at the box office. Maybe if we stop caring so much then, like schoolyard bullies, the marketingvolk will just go away.
*NOT a giallo. Please stop calling it a giallo--you are wrong. Thank you.