Halloween poses some serious challenges in the Tenebrous Empire. Having two or three costume parties to attend means needing two or three costumes, and being Year-Round Spooky means that such holiday chestnuts as vampire, witch and punk-rocker are out of the running.*
*Even if it does amuse me to almost-no-end to see legions of revelers costumed as Saturday Night Tenebrous Kate on October 31st.
As a woman, so I like to keep things a little saucy, and I won't lie and say I don't get just a little inspiration from the Sexy Fill-In-The-Blank costumes sold at Halloween superstores. But I think these costumes are getting a little ridiculous. I mean--come the fuck ON--sexy Ghostbuster? Really...? I mean, if you're into en-hot-pants-ed Dan Ackroyds, I'm not going to piss in your already-hella-bizarre Cheerios, but that's just cinematically inaccurate (at best).
But my sexy costumes are always kinda evil--from demoniacal nun to voodoo cemetery spirit to fascist zombie to lab-created monster, I tend to draw from the darker sides of infotainment. ** Maybe it's time to get creative and bring sexy back to the positive figures from history.
**Holy crap--my spell checker knows the word "infotainment." Ew. At least "staycation" still gets a red underline.
In that spirit, I think that SEXY ABE LINCOLN is an idea whose time has come. Much like the sexy stage magician or the sexy ringmaster, SEXY ABE LINCOLN wears a jaunty top-hat. Unlike the sexy stage magician or the sexy ringmaster, SEXY ABE LINCOLN was responsible for the unification of the United States in the aftermath of the Civil War. Pull THAT outta your hat, sexy stage magician.
If you'd prefer a more exotic sexy costume, perhaps SEXY GANDHI is your speed. Historical accuracy be damned--diapers aren't sexy.*** Togas, on the other hand, are flirty as all hell, and also easy to find at your local costume shop. Add in a bald cap and some wire-rimmed glasses--hunger strike optional--and you're well on your way to a costume that's both sexy and socially conscious.
***Unless you're part of a certain Special Needs contingent, kinda like the one that's into the en-hot-pants-ed Dan Ackroyds.
I know you folks have some good ideas for sexy-yet-non-evil costumes! I dare you to do better than the actually-f'reals Sexy Environmentalist costume.
Edit to Add: I almost forgot another sexy costume I'd developed--the PANTSLESS GRIMACE. It's not particularly socially conscious, but it's not really evil either:
Little did I know, upon creating this concept sketch, that the Pantsless Grimace costume ACTUALLY EXISTS! Check it out here, and note that it comes with a costume top and boot covers. NO PANTS, people.
15 comments:
I think the "Sexy Environmentalist" is just an old Joss Stone outfit?
My favorite costume was in college where I was a priest and my (now) wife and her roommate were students from "Mary Magdalene's School for Wayward Girls" - I must find a picture...
As for socially conscious, how bouts a sexy-crazy-anti-immunization protester? How hard could a Jenny McCarthy costume really be?
@Darius Whiteplume: And to extend that thought, how hard would a sexy JOSEPH McCarthy costume really be? (Hint: you'd have to have NO sense of decency...)
Kate, I would like to print this post out and hand it to every single person who walks into our local Halloween party venue year after year, thinking that "sexy zombie," "sexy nurse," "sexy rag doll" or just "sexy" is a thoughtful, creative costume choice. I always think, if you want to dress like a tramp, why wait for Halloween? I endorse the year-round sexy dressing.
@Costuminatrix - No sense of decency... Those costumes are starting to sound more and more similar. ;-)
How about a sexy bag of fair trade coffee?
All I'm saying on this matter is that the thought of Sexy JFK wrestling Sexy Fidel Castro in a vat of Jell-o is giving me a Cuban Missile Crisis...IN MY PANTS!
Word verification: "Grmor," warlock textspeak abbreviation for "grimoire." Usage: "Srsly d00d that grm0r is tr00 gr1m!"
OH MY GOD. There really is a pantsless Grimace. And only $99.99! It's a steal.
Word verification: "humude," what the air is probably like inside that Grimace bodysuit, dude.
Darius, that group costume sounds awesome! I have a dream of marching in the Village Halloween Parade with pals attired as the convent of mad nuns from "The Devils." DIBS ON THE HUNCHBACK.
Well-said, Costuminatrix! I would encourage folks of both genders to be as trampy as possible whenever the mood strikes. Let's un-frumpy the world TOGETHER. And as to Pantsless Grimace--I TOTALLY HAVE NINETYNINE DOLLARS AND NINETYNINE CENTS RIGHT NOW! I can make my dream come ALIVE!!!!
Jack--I will give you five American dollars to bring me a Photoshop or MSPaint of this situation.
Don't know if I have any cool panstless or sexy costume ideas--Sexy Garbageman? Pantsless Window-Washer?--but I had to comment b/c the comment verification is "prednet."
That's all I got.
@Vicar - I think your word verification says it all. OBVIOUSLY you must go as Sexy Chris Hansen. Just think! you can walk around saying "I'll need you to take a seat right there...." in a smarmy voice, to anyone attempting to ogle the girls in the sexy Lolita getups.
From Robot Greg: Sexy Stephen Hawking.
Sexy bag of fair trade coffee??
Can I borrow that idea for our next Food Co-op party?
My favorite costume has always been the guy who wears all white, regular clothes...white shirt, white pants, etc...with a giant bar code printed on the shirt, and under it entitled "Generic Halloween Costume."
Of course you can make this sexy! Wear sexy white clothes with the bar code, and have it read "Sexy Generic Halloween Costume."
You're good to go!!
Feel free to do the FTC bag ;-) I guess you'd have to show your beans?
As for the generic sexy, how about this barcode? (I know, too easy)
OMG, Vicar! I find "Sexy Pantsless Window Washer" to be profoundly disturbing. I'm imagining sitting in my old Manhattan office, minding my own bid'ness, and then--BLAMMO! SURPRISE PENIS! *shudders*
Costuminatrix--I met a guy dressed as Chris Hansen at the 2007 NY Comic Con. He was, hands-down, my favorite costumed character of the day. I think I might've frightened him with my demands for photos.
Jack, sexy Stephen Hawking could have a hopped-up wheelchair like the one in "Silver Bullet." Just a thought! [Also, I LOVE Robot Greg]
Cranky Yankee--that's, like, META-meta. Woweee...! And nice embellishment by Darius, too ;)
THIS JUST IN:
Sexy costumes are not just for humans anymore.
Speaking of Chris Hansen, one of the worst is the sexy Dorothy from "Wizard of Oz." Ew! The sexy Jason and Freddy costumes are strange too. Companies obviously think us ladies are too vain to even think about dressing up something that is actually scary or unsexy.
Then again, I've dressed up as Elvira and a pin-up Devil girl, so I am probably part of the problem.
Jooooaaannn! That is so alarming on so very many levels. Ew...!
Heather, I'm so with you on the Sexy Freddy and Sexy Jason costumes. I don't understand them at all! Then again, when I was deep in my cups one evening, I did briefly consider a Sexy Lake Berryessa Zodiac Killer costume. I ultimately dismissed it because it'd get really warm under the executioner's hood.
Post a Comment