When I was about fifteen years old, I dubbed "Troll 2" the worst movie I'd ever seen, due in part to the quality of the film and in part to the fact that my brother liked it. At the time, I couldn't fathom why anyone would deliberately subject him- or herself to ninety minutes of barely comprehensible junk that blends the horrors of the "Gremlins" franchise with the aesthetics of a peyote trip (read: hallucinations accompanied by profuse vomiting).
Little did I know that over a decade later, thanks to the internet and the limitless capacity for crap exhibited by a certain brand of college student, "Troll 2" would become an official contender for the title of "Worst Movie Ever."
After watching the movie last night for the first time in almost 2 decades, I fully understand why someone would deliberately subject him- or herself to this kind of movie. Because--man alive!--"Troll 2" is a glorious disaster. It displays a level of insanity approached only by such nigh-upon-Dada-ist cinematic works as "The Room;" a level of insanity that seems like it could only be deliberate in its flaunting of such traditional movie elements as "story," "acting," and "special effects." This surpasses the level of junktasticness (junktasticity?) one generally finds in Italian rip-off films by several country miles.
Oh yeah--and Laura "Black Emanuelle" Gemser is listed as the costume designer.
This is your brain on "Troll 2"
Assuming that you guys have seen "Troll 2" (and if you haven't seen it and you happen to be in the US, head over to Hulu and dial up this bad boy ASAP!) I've got a few questions:
- Who [the FUCK] was the intended audience for this movie? I always found the above-mentioned "Gremlins" films to be too squicky and too teen-ey for any human to enjoy, and yet people do in fact enjoy these movies. So what the hell do I know? But still--"Troll 2," WHO ARE YOU FOR?! Your ghoulish meditations on death, your cannibal orgies, your childlike fairy tale plot... it's too much for me to comprehend.
- Director Claudio Fragasso--girl-child body building fetishist, or garden variety creep?
- How big are the goblins-that-are-never-called-trolls? I keep hoping they're midgets, but I suspect they're actually normal-sized people.
- On what planet does green cream look appetizing?
My head is spinning over here. I'm not going to bother writing a proper review--many folks have gotten there before me. I'll give you links to other reviews instead: