This may shock you, but I'm given to flights of melacholic hyperbole. I like to think of it as part of that nebulous whole that makes up My Charm. One of the genius things about having this kind of temperament combined with what is cruelly known as The Natural Aging Process is that I start thinking about the inevitability of my physiological deterioration.
It's going to fucking suck, pals.
I've decided that I'm going to be chill with losing some of my eyesight, so long as I have *one* usable eye. And hell, even if my world becomes glazed like the lens in a Just Jaeckin movie, I think I might enjoy that kind of erotic soft focus. Things might look even better!
But back to that single-eye vision thing: Having vision in only one eye opens up a world of fashion possibilities. Well--ok--only *two* fashion possibilities, but I like them both.
F'reals--eyepatches are kind of awesome. And if anyone said anything snide about my appearance, I could be all like "fuck you--I'm blind in one eye; don't mock my handicap!" Thus making that person feel "shame" and "embarrassment," either or both of which that person would richly deserve.
Besides, there's something about an eyepatch that says "Watch out--I might be dangerously unhinged. I am not afraid to cut a bitch, even though my aim might be a *smidge* to the left, but I'm counting on your reflexes being not-so-great."
The down-side to the Eyepatch Plan is that I'd have to wear some kind of single corrective lens, and contacts are an ass-pain. Which leaves me with the option of wearing a monocle--not that I'm opposed to that. I could make the monocle MY OWN, because right now, people seem to associate the monocle with Old Timey Capitalists. And peanut spokes-characters. Neither of which is as sinister or awesome as I'd like.
I think I'd definitely need to affect a new accent if I were to wear a monocle, however, because this Jersey thing will *not* work.
Seriously. People do not appreciate the full range of issues that people with disabilities have to cope with.